Sheriff Freaks Out Floridians About Their Bumper Stickers
The Putnam County Sheriff's Office in Palatka, Florida posted a graphic on its Facebook page on May 9th, suggesting that by festooning your car with bumper stickers, you might as well have written your Social Security number in grease pencil on the back window. In response, nervous moms of the internet have stocked up on Goof Off. Those stick figure window decals, for example, contain valuable information. If the biggest one has a uniform on, it can suggest that "Dad is away a lot," according to the graphic. Of course, it could also suggest that Dad has an M-16 behind the closet door and he's taught Mom to use it, but hey, we don't want to read too much into this. RELATED: See images, galleries and videos of police cars and trucks The stick figure set also includes a warning about the dog, which the Sheriff's Office points out is a "small, non-guard dog." Attention Putnam County Sheriff's Office: THIS IS NOT TO SCALE. It is a stick figure.
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Please note also that stick figure depictions of Darth Vader on the back glass doesn't mean the Dad has the power to crush a man's esophagus using the Force.
It also points out that one of the other family members is a "female baby." Now if it was a "male baby," all bets would be off, but as we all know, female babies are particularly easy for criminals to subdue.
"Parking Pass:" the warning goes on, "Tells people where you work or live".
Yes, it also allows you to avoid walking to those places from the Walmart parking lot four miles away, where some stranger in a white van might be planning to steal your kidneys.
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Other things that can provide potentially threatening information to criminals:
-Bad guys could learn your kid goes to a certain school by SEEING YOU DROP OFF YOUR KID AT SCHOOL.
-Criminals can learn where you come home at a certain time by SEEING YOU COME HOME AT A CERTAIN TIME.
-Thieves have been known to learn you've just withdrawn cash from the bank by SEEING YOU AT THE ATM.
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To be safe, it's wise to never leave home and keep all the shades drawn at all times, and never, ever get the mail.
The graphic has been shared 182 times by people who still believe that the oncoming car flashing his high-beams is part of a gang initiation ritual.