Words can't even begin to describe this monstrosity.

Why anyone would do this to a 5 Series Touring E34 is beyond us, but here it is. Located in Bridgewater, U.K., the right-hand-drive “518ish” with its lowered ride height and side mirrors mounted on the front fenders wants to be the ultimate workhorse driving machine. You can have it for £2,750 (about $3,432) should you want a 5er van with black 17-inch Corvette wheels and “very loud” side exhaust tips.

As you can easily see, it’s far from being in a great condition as it is showing signs of rust and it looks as if it’s missing the kidney grille. Its predominantly white body is contrasted by what the seller describes as being a “purple sparkle” roof, while some of the other areas such as the lower front grille and the BMW hood logo have also received purple accents.

BMW 5 Series van
BMW 5 Series van

There’s only one word that can perfectly describe the interior cabin, and it’s “abomination.” With purple fur covering the door panels and most of the dashboard and center console, the modified 5 Series is certainly not easy on the eyes. It has a glitzy steering wheel also dipped in purple, much like the gear knob for the five-speed manual transmission. In the back, there’s a fur carpet with a similar look.

The only good thing about the “one-off van” is the 4.4-liter V8 underneath the hood, but even that one wasn’t able to escape the purple madness as the engine cover has been painted as well.

According to the listing, the current owner bought it in this condition and he has now decided to part ways with it since he has a new car and can’t keep both of them. It’s a classified ad listing, so there’s no bidding on it.

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Source: eBay via Bimmerfest

Gallery: BMW 5 Series van