The idea of having to get anywhere near a shopping center on Black Friday is painful to even think about. A day after we gather to remember what we are thankful for, millions of people ditch that thankfulness in favor of rabid consumerism. It's going to be a battle out there, and these kick-ass assault vehicles will get you anywhere you need to go this Friday.Street Hawk
The Street Hawk concept was said to be the first vehicle with 46 inches of independent wheel travel without camber or caster compromise.
The concept's ride height or ground clearance is adjustable from zero to 44 inches while in motion. With 1,100 horsepower, 1,805 foot pounds of torque, the all-wheel drive Street Hawk is an animal, with an innovative active suspension system that leans into corners and maintains the ideal camber and caster geometry throughout operation.
Lenco BearCat LE
If you happen to be clogging the main road, indecisively swinging between the Christmas Tree Shop and Toys R Us, the sight of a Lenco Bearcat in your rearview is guaranteed to loosen your bowels.
The Lenco BearCat LE is produced by Lenco in the town of Pittsfield, Massachusetts. It’s based on a Ford F-550 Super Duty chassis, and powered by either a Triton V-10 or a 6.7-liter Turbo Diesel, with a six-speed automatic transmission.
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The steel body is half an inch thick, and the glass is rated to withstand multiple rounds up to .50 caliber. The floors are blast-resistant, and there are specially designed gun ports throughout. In 2010, an offender in Athens, Texas fired 35 rounds from an AK-47 at tactical police without a round entering the BearCat. In June, 2012, the Central Bucks Emergency Response Team took 28 rounds from a high-powered rifle, with similar results.
The BearCat Riot Control model includes a Road Warrior-esque hydraulic ram to clear cars and debris, as well as an LRAD (Long Range Acoustic Device) designed to disperse crowds. If you're in a Camry heading for the Best Buy, you've got no hope.
The Hunslet ATT77 from the movie Aliens was one of the coolest movie vehicles this side of Road Warrior.
British Airways was re-equipping several of its aircraft tug tractors, and the crew for Aliens managed to purchase a 635-hp Hunslet ATT 77 tug to use as the armored personnel carrier.
It initially weighed 70 short tons, and although the crew removed 35 short tons of lead ballast, the power station floor had to be reinforced to support the weight
Since some of the people you're likely to encounter camping out at the Target for the best deal on a Chinese DVD player are going to be women, you might want to select a vehicle whose sole purpose is to send them running for the hills. A 1970s Custom Van will do the trick.
Replete with green shag carpet, Molly Hatchet murals, liquor cabinets, water beds and the stink of Hai Karate, a custom van will repel any female within 500 yards.
M60A1 Armored Vehicle Landing Bridge
Sometimes, the only way to get around holiday shopping traffic is to go right over it. The M60A1 Armored Vehicle Landing Bridge (AVLB) is based on an M60 Patton tank chassis, but instead of the tank's gun turret, it is equipped with a bridge launcher integrated into the chassis and mounted on top.
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In the span of two minutes, you can launch a bridge right over the offramp to your favorite shopping center, capable of supporting tracked and wheeled vehicles with a military load bearing capacity up to Class 60.
KTM 950 Adventure
The KTM 950 Adventure has now been superseded by the 990 Adventure, but the reasoning stands the same: Sometimes your best defense against holiday shoppers is to go over and around them with something lighter and narrower than a Kia Sedona.
It looks like a dedicated off-roader, but the secret to the 950 and 990 Adventure is that it's really a race-bike at its core, with a light, tubular frame hung off the engine as a stressed member. It'll go anywhere, and it'll do it quickly. Its narrow footprint makes it just the thing for weaving in and out of traffic at the Walmart.
Image Sources: AutoTrader, odsc.on.ca, SecurityNewsdesk.com, Geekologie.com