Cars and Sex: The Unavoidable Connection

While many of us would be loath to admit it, all cars are ultimately about sex. Don’t believe me? Follow my logic: Ford Focus/Hyundai Accent/Kia Rio

Cars and Sex: The Unavoidable Connection

These vehicles are all about practicality. They’re the ride of choice for ambitious, fresh-faced young guys who are off to college or their first full-time job. Nothing sexy about that, you say? Again, follow my logic: why is Junior so anxious to get an education or to make his first real paycheck? So he can have money. Why does he want money? So he can buy cool clothes and a nicer car. Why does he want cool clothes and a nicer car? So he can…and there you go. Mud-splattered pickup trucks

Cars and Sex: The Unavoidable Connection

Anyone who thinks chicks don’t go for these has never been to Covington, GA on a Saturday night. Redneck women are notoriously good lovers, and nothing will draw them quicker than a massive 4X4 with wheels higher than the moon and an engine that sounds like 10,000 growling bulldogs itching for a fight. So get a ball cap and tee shirt, tuck your Skoal® can into your back pocket
(so it will make a permanent ring in the fabric), and hit the local honky-tonk, driving your mud-mobile. You’re sure to pick up someone there, along with whatever comes with her. Faded 1985 Ford Escort with sign on top that says “Pizza Express”

Cars and Sex: The Unavoidable Connection

Let’s go all the way with the stereotype and assume that the guy who drives this thing is single, 45 years old, and lives in his mom’s basement. He devotes his off-time to playing online games and arguing about which is better: Star Wars or Star Trek. Where does sex tie into his choice of ride? Simple. Every other Friday night, after he picks up his paycheck, Mr. Hopeless Nerd drives his Escort to a certain part of town where the lights are all red. There he meets a friendly, if not overly attractive, female who talks sweetly to him, as he is, after all, one of her long-time clients. What transpires next in that ’85 Escort need not be mentioned. Pink mini-van with a bumper sticker on the back that says “baby on board”

Cars and Sex: The Unavoidable Connection

Think you have me now, don’t you? Even hard-core working girls would be hesitant to hop in this lame-ass ride, right? Right! So where’s the tie-in with amour? Simple; the minivan represents the consequences of the sex act for unwary males – specifically, three kids, a mother-in-law, and a 30-year mortgage. And that, my friends, is Victoria’s well-guarded secret. Photo Credit: Clyburn Blog, Our Cloverdale

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