2014 Chevrolet C7 Corvette: Five Reasons Why It's Going to Suck!

Last week, Jalopnik had a cute little piece on five things you need to know about the 2014 Chevrolet Corvette. It had a bunch of stuff that should come out on the next Corvette, based on a Car and Driver article. In this world of long lead times and corporate leaks, the 'Vette you see here is probably very close to the real deal. It will have a new small block and use up a lot of the worlds carbon fiber and aluminum supply. Thing is, it's an unimaginative pile of crap that will not have the build quality to take on the world class sportscars, but will be priced out of reach for the average shopper. Here are the five things that I do not like about the new Corvette:

1.) It looks like a Ferrari: This has always been an easy comparison to make, but in the past it was just that. This is now downright plagiarism. The angles of the front end mimic the latest supercars from Maranello and that is a load of crap, because if they wanted to appeal to the higher-end Ferrari buyer, they would make the damn thing mid-engined (more on that later). Chevrolet has not been a source of originality in a long time, and if the new C7 Corvette is meant to be the defining car for GM, they pulled it off: a car without originality.

2014 Chevrolet C7 Corvette: Five Reasons Why It's Going to Suck!

2.) The tail makes me want to barf- thing looks like it's wearing mascara. Also, what ever happened to the terrific bubble-style window of the last two Corvettes? Sure its not the split window, but it had become a defining design element for the Corvettes of late. This thing is just way to boy-racer. Though it is has been proven that old people buy cars marketed at younger buyers because it makes them feel young. 3.) It looks like a Nissan GT-R: The chunky rear side windows, the large, flat vent in at the front wheels and the vents on the hood are, once again, all a little too boy-racer. The Corvette is supposed to be a defining American car, yet all they appeared to do was copy other popular cars on the market. The Corvette was once the leader, not the follower that it is now, and that makes me sad.

2014 Chevrolet C7 Corvette: Five Reasons Why It's Going to Suck!

4.) It is going to be prohibitively expensive, without beating the world: Do you know why the Corvette is the Corvette? Because it is affordable fun. Tons of middle aged people or those just entering retirement buy one because they can have a fun-to-drive car without breaking the bank. With all this talk of carbon fiber and lightweight chassis, the car will for sure me more expensive than its near-$50K current asking price. If the price jumps considerably, Chevrolet will be shooting themselves in the foot, though they have done that plenty of times in the past. At any rate, not every 'Vette owner is a racecar driver. In fact, most are just old retired white guys looking to regain a bit of their youth. They don't mind the rental-car build quality of past Corvettes and that notion should not be overlooked by GM. 5.) It is not mid-engined: In spite of the large asking price that will likely come with this car, it is still just expanding on an existing formula. You know what is the gold standard of a world-class sportscar? And "entry-level" Ferrari 458 Italia. It is mid-engined and has performance for days. Meanwhile, front engined cars are a little unruly by comparison. You want to set the world on fire? Tell the Corvette traditionalists to take a hike and make the damn thing mid-engined already!

2014 Chevrolet C7 Corvette: Five Reasons Why It's Going to Suck!

BONUS: It's going to have an absurdly long lead time. A 2014 model year car, coming out in the first days of 2013? (the Detroit Auto Show is the first week of January) Just like the Volt and the Camaro before it, Chevy thinks they are so damn awesome that they can hang the new Corvette out in front of GM fans for almost a year and expect them not to be sick of it? Classic-freaking-Chevy. I'm sure we're in for another banner year from the Bowtie Brand. Photo Credit: Jalopnik / Car and Driver

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