Seven Ways to Endure a Holiday Road Trip
With the coming holiday weekend, many of you will take to the freeways on a several hour trip to your family. Whether you even like these schmucks or not, we can all agree that the drive to see them usually is not worth it for all the tryptophan in the world. Anyone stuck in the car for several hours driving AWAY from the comfort of your couch is in a temporary hell- left conversing with their immediate family. To make this journey far more palatable, we have several ideas. To be honest, most of them are ways to ignore your family, but with the way things are these days, its the most we can expect out of people. So try these out and see if they help pass the time on your holiday road trip! Netflix:
OK, in this one, we are going to assume that you have a smartphone of some sort. Most popular smartphones have the app that lets you access Netflix. You obviously need a Netflix account, and if you don't just snag a friend's login. If you're not creative enough to come up with someone else's login, then you're unlikely to successfully heed any of the rest of the advice here, but once you're in, its smooth sailing. You'll have your headphones on and be watching American classics like Pootie-Tang in no time!
If for whatever reason, you don't have your phone on you, you own an ancient flip-phone, or you lost the stupid new charger to your stupid new iPhone, the best way to kill time and ignore others is whipping out a Kindle. The best part of owning a Kindle is the dirty little secret of what others don't know! While most people assume a Kindle is for reading digital versions of books, the new Kind Fire HD is a fully functional tablet, capable of supporting games, movies- hell it even has the Facebook app!. So while your family thinks that you've delved into some classic Tolstoy, you're just playing a game of Angry Birds!
Augmented Reality Glass:
This technology is not yet available to the masses, but everyone from Toyota to Google are working on this technology. The idea behind this is that GPS and wifi will detect objects passing the car. The system can project an image with which the passenger can interact. In this Toyota version (above), you can draw on the glass, zoom in on distant objects, get readouts of distances, etc. Audi has a version (below) that presents popups when you pass places that have relevance in your calendar or other databases. All this crazy stuff is just around the corner people!
Read A Book:
You know what the best way to get people to not bother you and pass the time? Read a freaking book! If you were in a car with two other people, and one is playing Words With Friends, and the other is reading a Tom Wolfe novel the size of an encyclopedia, who are you more likely to bother? If you have any semblance of decency, you'll bug the jackass on their smartphone. Hell you could even have a comic book hidden in the pages, but people won't bother you, because they think you're bettering yourself. Ha!
Take a nap:
When I was younger, and we had to make the 90 minute trek to my grandparents, I would just pass out 10 minutes into the trip. I would always wake up as we were arriving at our destination. We used to call it the "time machine," and it is a great way to block out loved ones for over an hour– provided you can keep your eyes shut!
Road Trip Games:
If you are the sort of family where the kids are still too young to operate a tablet, or you don't permit them to use such electronics (Jeez, Jebediah, I didn't know Amish could travel in cars!), then you may be resigned to actually interacting with other individuals in your family. So if you don't want to talk about why you didn't come in until 3AM last night, then you may want to play one of these games, such as "I spy" or "Punch Buggie." The latter is made more interesting by the fact that there are now three different kinds of Beetle: Original, New, and New Redesign, Depending on which one your see, you can assign a point system. In the end, you have an excuse to hit a sibling, so that's always fun.
Sure, playing cards can be a social thing, but thats not the point here! You are trying to roll solo, and the best way to do that is by playing solitaire. You could use a typical deck of cards, but people will ask to play UNO or some crap. No, you need these Microsoft Windows-inspired Solitaire playing cards. Anyone borne before 2000, will recognize and step off.